01/03/03
i feel so lonely i want to die. why do i keep adding things to this pathetic site when i want to disassociate myself from most of it and concentrate on other things? i just don't fucking care how i come across. it's not like i have contact with anyone in the world other than gk anyway or ever will again, and i don't think gk has any illusions about me. i feel that i will continue on with the other stuff for my new site, and try my best without having any expectations, but i just feel too fucking tired and alienated to care about repressing the rest of this crap. i know no one will ever notice/care if i scream unless i do it in a way that doesn't embarrass them or insult their artistic or intellectual sensibilities. i don't know if anyone can even tell when i'm screaming as loud as i can. i want to scream just to relieve some pressure, but i suck at everything. i just suck, period. even in daydreams. :p