04/07/02
fighting sleepiness. trying to stay awake another 6 hours or so. trying to change my sleep pattern. had reverted back to sleeping days and staying up nights, for the most part. it's 18C inside and i can't get warm enough. my body is too exhausted. it's actually warmer today than it's been most days lately, though. winter in australia. on the other side of the world, about now it's probably so hot that most people would love the temperatures here.
there's always a period of readjustment when gk returns. we embrace awkwardly, and are almost shy with each other. maybe it's because we've been in such different worlds during the separation. he's working, and dealing with people on a daily basis, while i'm existing in an extremely isolated state. he's dealing with the outside world and practical concerns; left to my own devices, i've been spiralling into self-absorption. well, even more than usual.
we start cooking together again, and picking up a pattern determined by his obligations, his work. cross fingers, see how long there will be peace this time. how long before i start to crack under the strain of it all again. how long before a decision has to be made.
gk is dear to me. it's rare to find the kind of acceptance he offers me. i don't take it for granted. he's seen the new additions to my website, and seems to find them in keeping with who i am. we don't really want the same things out of life and love, and when we're ready, i want us to be able to let go without hard feelings. i want there to be some way we can both get what we want and need. but maybe we can enjoy some parts of being with each other a while longer.
i don't miss canada. i would miss australia if i left. and i would miss gk.